A lovely day for hockey, a lovely opposition and genuinely outstanding umpires. What more could you ask for? Well, perhaps a few more goals, but unfortunately their goalkeeper had other ideas and appeared to be trying out for the England squad. Driffield came away with a 4–0 win, although the scoreline could have been considerably more embarrassing for Sheffield had their keeper not decided to have the game of her life.

Before Driffield finally got the breakthrough, Sheffield’s keeper was doing absolutely everything in her power to keep us out. Charlotte, Fi, Hannah and Bron all had shots denied, including a top-corner effort that was somehow kept out. At this point, we were beginning to suspect their keeper had either been promised an England contract or had a personal vendetta against Driffield Ladies 1s. Unfortunately for her, we eventually found a way through.

Bron opened the scoring from a short corner, following up after the keeper made the initial save and hit the deck. Her second effort was flicked goalwards, took a deflection off the post player's stick, straight into the poor girl's face and then ended up in the back of the goal. Not necessarily the textbook short-corner routine, but a goal is a goal. Sheffield's post player may want to check her dental insurance.

Amber was next to get herself on the scoresheet, with Fi doing brilliantly work down the right before passing a cutting ball across beautifully to Charlotte who sent a precise pass to Amber & she made no mistake, confidently smashing it into the backboard. Clinical. Composed. Class.

At the back, Em, Drew, Ash and Abi were putting in a shift, making crucial tackles and distributing the ball brilliantly. Drew also decided that one goal-saving intervention simply wasn't enough, taking a ball off the line from a Sheffield short corner after Kat had made the initial save. Defensive masterclass.

In midfield, Kate, Charlotte, Keira and Amber were linking up nicely with some lovely one-twos and moving the ball out wide, while Harriet, Fi, Bron and Hannah were causing problems up front, taking on defenders and making plenty of runs. Unfortunately, Sheffield's keeper seemed determined to ruin everyone's personal goal tally.

The second half brought more goals, with Charlotte getting herself on the scoresheet with an absolute rocket of a sweep. The shot was heading goalwards when Sheffield's defender stuck a foot out and inadvertently helped it on its way into the net. An assist she'll be telling her grandchildren about. Messi in his prime at Barcelona, except this time playing for Sheffield and scoring in the wrong direction. Charlotte will happily take it, though!

Special mention to Harriet for a lovely reverse shot, cruelly denied by their keeper. Honestly, someone get this woman her England trials already — she was single-handedly ruining everyone's afternoon.

Kat was also determined to keep her clean sheet, pulling off some class saves throughout, even if it meant taking a hit directly to the thigh during a short corner. A lovely bruise to remember the occasion by, although the ball was heading over the backboard anyway. Nothing says commitment quite like voluntarily collecting a bruise for a ball that wasn't going to count.

The final whistle then blew as Driffield won yet another short corner, so naturally, we weren't going home just yet. Five Sheffield players lined up against the firing squad that was the entirety of Driffield Ladies 1s (minus Kat). Ash's first effort hit a foot, earning us another short corner. Second time lucky, Ash's shot travelled all the way to the line, where Sheffield's post player managed to get a foot to it. First Messi, now Puyol? Sheffield were clearly being possessed by Barça legends. But Driffield simply refused to be denied, with Keira slipping the ball into the backboard to round off the afternoon and complete the 4–0 victory.

Four goals, a clean sheet and a thoroughly enjoyable game. Sheffield's keeper may need to update her CV after that performance, but unfortunately for her, Driffield were taking all three points home.

Match teas: 5/10. The chips were better than last week, which is progress. However, the crockery was the real MVP. An actual plate! No paper plate folding in half and sending your entire tea onto the floor. Luxury dining at its finest.

Special shoutout to the umpires, who were absolutely outstanding. A genuinely brilliant job from start to finish.

Girlie of the match: Amber — a confident finish and a hardworking performance in midfield. Deserved.

Donkey of the match: Fi — there were numerous contenders, including some particularly temperamental sports bras, but Fi came out on top for forgetting her socks. An impressive achievement.