Saturday was the third instalment of Driffield Men’s 1s home campaign.. the fortress was being rebuilt and this weekend saw newly promoted York 3s welcomed onto the hallowed 12-grit astro.

After the usual heinous changing room chat and an arousing talk from coach Lev, Brett dropped one so potent that middle-eastern dictators might possibly be bidding for bottled samples.

The game started and it was apparent that York were improved from the team that got relegated 2 years ago. No issue for the boys in blue, as chances were created and pressure on the York defence was building, a short corner was soon won. Now, Driffield has 3 things that York does not; the most northerly chalk stream in Europe, Deano, and a man with more ‘tisms than the entire cast of The Undateables… Enter, Snag. [Upon correction from Robert Clarke ... the Gypsy Race is the most northerly, but close enough)]!!

After a failed first shot, the rebound fell to Snag, and he slotted it top bins, with about as much conviction as a handshake out of mere obligation. Still, it went in. The tank was moving.

York came very close to equalising multiple times, but found themselves repeatedly denied by the Bridstolian stalwart in goal, Adam Chard and his defensive line. A well caught York drag-flick was headed for the top corner, only to be deflected away at head height by a man whose entire diet is red wine and sausage rolls. Mike Hirst.

Driffield continued to build pressure down the wings with great play from both full-backs and wingers, linking up well with forwards Lev, Sowersby and step-dad Waite. With Basilisk Bob making striding runs down the right hand side, Driffield looked dangerous and were soon rewarded when George ‘the Makelele’ Martindale slipped a ball to Snag at the top of the D and the resulting strike rattled the backboard giving the keeper no chance. 2-0, all was well.

Except it wasn’t. The Tank was never fitted with cruise control.

York came out in the second half with a renewed urgency. Creating chances and winning more short corners. They duly converted 2 of these in quick succession to level the scores, and soon after added a third. The game had flipped on its head, the tank was stalling. Captain George called for calm and control from his team. Will Foster clearly missed the memo, and with juvenile petulance, hit the ball away ‘after’ a foul had been awarded to York. A green card followed, only to be quickly upgraded to yellow, as on dismissal Foster decided to throw his stick into the dugout in a ridiculously limp-wristed manner.

After a factory reset, another short corner was soon won by Driffield and a rocket from the stick of the Snag levelled the scores. Olly had his hat-trick, the tank had resurrected and York were about to receive a royal one or two.

With momentum building, Driffield won another short corner, and decided for the first time ever to try and do something coordinated. A one-two routine saw our British made Bulgarian plumber in front of goal, 5 yards out, he couldn’t miss, and he didn’t. 4-3.

Tom ‘the plumber’ Voase enjoys life’s simple pleasures; beer, and hitting hockey balls at skull height off his reverse side.
It was the latter that came to the fore on Saturday, with Voase dancing into the D and unleashing a sublime strike into the roof of the York goal. 5-3, job done.

Driffield remain top of Yorkshire Division 1 and keep their 100% record this season.
Next week sees the first round of the cup against Marton Furness, get down to the Sand Siro and support at 2pm.